Everyone who’s anyone knows someone with a drinking problem. If you don’t, the staff at HA (me) would like to tip our (my) beer helmet to you as you’ve probably been able to coast through life without compromising your morals, watching your uncle moon the neighbors, losing your pants in a public place or having the words “tool” and “loser” magic-markered on your forehead alongside a sketchy, poorly drawn penis. Well done.
For the rest of us (me, again), these occurrences were numerous if not commonplace throughout some of high school, all of college and the occasional return to glory weekend since graduation.
The results are good times, great memories and terrible Sunday mornings (not to mention repeatedly swearing off alcohol, and then finding yourself whole-heartedly suggesting power hour 5 days later.) Unfortunately for some of my friends, however, this behavior has also resulted in the development of a minor alcohol problem.
Feeling a moral responsibility to those I know as well as to society in general, I’ve decided to formulate a list of things you can do to avoid developing this often times unforseeable affliction yourself. Take these helpful suggestions to heart, and hopefully you’ll be able to prevent forming a serious addiction.
1. Never have more than one drink alone. Social drinking is always acceptable, lonely drinking, not so much. So make sure there’s someone around to converse with before you grab that second drink. Note: Tom Hanks-ing this situation by talking to a volleyball or simply talking to yourself is allowed so long as you give the volleyball and the other you different accents. I’m thinking either Irish or Australian.
2. Buy only one bottle of liquor or one 6 pack of beer per trip to the liquor store. Separate all trips by at least 15 minutes.
3. Always use your own money for booze. The second you start stealing money to buy alcohol, you know you have a problem. Instead, use the stolen money to buy other things, like cool NASCAR coozies for your miller high lifes.
4. Don’t start drinking before 6pm. Save drinking for a time when you don’t have important things requiring all of your mental capabilities to do afterwards. Of course, 6pm translates into 4pm if it’s Friday, noon if you work on Wall Street and 8am if you’re Irish. (You can drink anytime you want if you’re an Irish stockbroker, but I’m pretty sure there’s no such thing.)
5. Whole heartedly deny the fact that you have a drinking problem, then it will go away on it’s own.
Once you’ve staved off your own potential booze addiction, you’ll be well prepared to help out any friends heading down the dark path. When that happens, see my other article, “How To Help A Friend With An Alcohol Problem”.
(Currently this article hasn’t been written yet. I’m sure you can guess the reason.)
Until then, party responsibly.
Cheers.
The HA Guy
So, if you drink Whiskey straight out of the bottle, what size bottle counts as one drink? I have been following your advice using a pint as one drink. A fifth just seems a little excessive.
While that is a fair point Lancer, if you’re in the habit of drinking whiskey straight from the bottle, I’d say you’ve already missed the “how to avoid a drinking problem” train. More than likely you’re aboard the “put the bottle down man, you just threw up in your shoes” express.