How To Handle Moving In Together - Part 1

The first thing that needs to be said, is that when a man and a woman move in together, it usually means that both parties will need to part with a few possessions. Thanks to TV, movies and society in general, I think most men realize they’ll be saying goodbye to a few more items than their significant other. We accept that as our duty as men, to put her happiness over our own. Plus it’s hard not to back down staring at her sad puppy dog face when you mention you wouldn’t mind converting her purple dresser into next winter’s fire wood.

So we part ways with our X-men posters, life-size cardboard cutouts of Jennifer Love Hewitt and pretty much anything we own that closely resembles something she owns. After a brief mourning period, everyone moves on. The only real problem comes when, during the discussion of who’s stuff should go, logic and it’s buddy reason are completely thrown out of the equation.  It’s sometimes hard to avoid, and both genders are to blame, especially when it involves an item of sentimental value.  But it causes confusion, tension and one or two Dirty Harry style showdowns.

For an example, let me paint a scene from my own personal experience.

Act 1: Logic
You both have a chair. The living room is way too small for both chairs. One chair must go. On that you both agree.

Curtain down, end of Act 1. Logic takes his bow early, it’ll be a while before he returns.

Act 2: Confusion Sets In
One chair (my chair), is a large recliner in proper working order. It’s a bit discolored after many years of use and many different users, but it reclines, it’s comfortable and it’s still a great place for a nap. The other chair (her chair), let’s call it old Bessie, has seen better days. It was once an immensely comfortable chair, but due to an unfortunate moving accident – involving ramming it through a 2 foot wide doorway, knocking a hole in the entry wall and covering the hole with a Chinese take-out menu – it’s broken. Flat out, undeniably, can’t sit in it, had-a-chair-repair-man-look-at-it-who-said-”it’s not worth my time” broken. Should be an easy, fairly obvious decision. One chair works, one doesn’t. One you can sit in, one you can’t. Should seem clear which chair should go.

Yet, somehow, it’s not.

Act 3: WTF?
3 weeks later, the two chairs remain side by side in an over crowded living room. The recliner holds people. Old Bessie holds pillows, as that’s all the weight she can support. Repeated “But you can’t even sit in it!” pleas fail to convince my long lost buddy Reason to rejoin our situation. After weeks of non use – not to mention an official declaration of death from a certified chair doctor – old Bessie still stands, much to my confusion and dismay.

Intermission. No need for a set change, the living room’s too crowded to move anything around.

Act 4: The Face-off Ends
The living room remains an obstacle course.  To sit on the couch, one must leapfrog the recliner, careful not to brush old Bessie, for fear of her collapse. A series of hanging mirrors have been engineered in order to see the TV and change the channel.  At one point I became trapped in the living room for three days, unable to escape until old Bessie’s owner returned from a business trip to free me.  But after 6 weeks of stubborn indecision, the apartment’s ridiculously cramped atmosphere finally takes it’s toll. Old Bessie lays down her guns and is reluctantly escorted to the street. Terribly sad, incredibly painful, long overdue.

Final Curtain. Applause. Rave reviews. Movie deal. Superstardom. Drug addiction. Fall from grace. Back to community theater. E true Hollywood story.

As traumatic an event as the great chair debate turned out to be, we were eventually able to move on. We realized possessions had nothing to do with why we wanted to live together, and that in the end, they really don’t matter. The important thing to remember is that when it’s all said and done, as long as both parties love each other more than their old Bessie’s, purple dressers and Happy Gilmore life sized posters, things tend to work out.

So as you make that big decision to move in together, I’d advise each of you to be as reasonable and logical as possible, and then prepare for both of you to do the opposite.

HA Guy

Related Posts:
How To Handle Moving In Together – Part 2: The Bathroom
How To Handle Moving In Together – Part 3: Cooking Dinner
How To Handle Moving In Together – Part 4: You’re Kind Of Mean In The Morning
How To Handle Moving In Together – Part 5: I Can’t Fix That