How To Pick Up Women – Barack Obama Style

For this installment of How To Pick Up Women, we’re focusing on the guy who seems to have it all: upper class men with powerful jobs, loads of money, tons of respect and/or top secret security clearance. These seemingly unstoppable power figures have a lot going for them when it comes to the opposite sex, but even men who make upwards of a thousand dollars a day can have trouble picking up dimes. So with President Barack Obama in mind, I’ve developed a potentially full proof method for the wealthy and elite to bolster their Shorty Portfolio.

First, choose a social establishment that attracts the type of young, beautiful, well spoken women that suit your style. Education is a plus, but certainly not a deal breaker in the beginning. Museums, libraries and bars with a lot of wood paneling and old white guys are great places to start. Burger King might have worked for Dubya, but not for you.

Once you’ve spotted that special someone, send over one of your entourage with a little note throwing her a compliment. I’m thinking something like “I might be all about change, but I wouldn’t change a thing about you baby,” would be appropriate.

If she turns a cold shoulder, shake it off, pick another target and re-engage. You didn’t get to the top by accepting defeat. You got their by handing it out to old white guys and clueless (but hot) Alaskan hockey moms.

Once the note reels in a beautiful woman/potential political scandal, have your entourage escort her to your location. Make sure they wear sunglasses and whisper cool things like “Eagle Eye 1″ and “Hot Pocket on the move” into their cufflinks. Once she’s reached you, stare at her with that calm, sly grin that seems to say “I could nuke Canada right now if I wanted to,” but actually says “I love children and dogs named after desserts,” instead.

Next, spark up a little conversation and focus on politics, basketball and change, as those are your strong suits. Women dig men with confidence, and that goes double for guys that only talk about what they’re good at. If she brings up quitting smoking or fostering bipartisan comradery, change the subject.

When she asks about your work, be humble, and don’t boast about rewriting history books, crossing racial divides or the fact that you eat at the best cafeteria ever. Just let her know that you take your job very seriously and that you love your work, even when it means keeping a straight face when Al Franken starts making speeches in the senate. If you must brag, keep it short, and simply mention that you have excellent oratory skills.

At this point you should have that shit locked up. Record her digits into your blackberry and call her two days later when you’re either in a blackhawk helicopter hovering over Paris or handing out organic peanut butter sandwiches to orphans.

HA Guy

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