Women love men with creative minds.
If they deem you creative or artsy, they’ll pretty much overlook any other flaws you might have, including bathing irregularly, sleeping with dozens of other women and being partially dimented like Quentin Tarantino.
For example, QT makes great movies filled with blood, guts, rape, murder, ears being sliced off, drug overdoses and faces being bitten by black mambas – all with a never ending stream of profanity – and still remains attractive to women. And it’s all because he’s creative.
So in order to dissect this cinematic mad scientist’s ability to attract women, I called QT and asked him to layout his step by step guide for picking up the ladies.* See below.
1] Find the girl.
This is the easy part. Being the open minded, creative type you are, almost any girl will suit your style and there are thousands of locations to find the next source of inspiration. QT suggests bars, biker rallies, haunted houses, midget conventions, brothels, circus freak therapy sessions, senior citizen knitting clubs, congress or waffle house.
2] The approach.
When you’ve spotted your target, walk up to her in a slow motion, cool 70’s jive manner, carefully choosing moments to glance to the side and wink and/or fake shoot someone. While you’re walking, pretend “Let It Loose” by the Rolling Stones is playing in the background. It won’t be, so to everyone else you’ll look ridiculous. But as long as you think you look cool, you’re golden.
3] Conversation
Once you’re standing in front of her, strike up a long, overly-thought out conversation focusing on topics such as whether or not French fries ever daydream of being Spanish and why plaid pants look best on short people.
7] Take her home.
Sleep with her.
9] Coffee.
Take her for coffee at the local diner. Talk about frogs, why the movie Hostel actually didn’t suck and tipping waitresses. Order the Spanish omellette.
5] Joy ride.
Once the drugs have kicked in, hop into your old school Cadillac, turn on the oldies station and drop the f bomb several times.
8] The next morning.
When she wakes up, she’ll be a bit confused and spend the rest of the morning trying to remember what happened between the Spanish French fries and your bed. Suggest going for coffee at the local diner.
6] Unleash your stoner knowledge.
While cruising in your Caddy, name every song on the radio and sing along. After a few minutes she’ll be ready to head to your place just to get out of the car.
4] Turn up the heat.
When she’s in a daze of boredom from your plaid pants monologue, suggest partaking in the recreational drug of your choice.
10] Finale.
If she asks for some of your omellette, emaphatically refuse. Then explain why the concept of sharing is merely a ridiculous, unrealistic custom forced on society by sadistic, control obsessed people…..as is being expected to call a woman back after sleeping with her.
Good luck.
*He actually didn’t pick up the first time I called, and his manager told me to fuck off the second time I called. So, technically QT had nothing to do with this post, but I’d like to think he’d agree.
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Two questions:
If the drugs cause convulsions should you administer the adrenalin or is it better to let the dealer do it?
What Type of radio station works best to sing along to? I was thinking punk or 80s rock. Bon Jovi has work right?
Great questions.
1) Always let the dealer do it. When on a date, whether it be Tarantino style or any other style, it’s always best to have your drug dealer close by. Keep him/her involved in as much of the date as possible and things will tend to work out.
2) Bon Jovi is perfect. The only thing that will scare a woman out of your car and into your bed faster is playing Michael Bolton. But I would never recommend playing MB in any situation, much less on a first date.