Proper Gym Etiquette - Part 2: Inconsiderate Stretching

By HA_Guy

The last time I touched on practicing proper gym etiquette, I focused on the inappropriate behavior of being old and roaming the locker room naked for hours. For this installment, we’re going to step outside of the locker room and discuss gym floor behavior – or misbehavior to be exact – in the form of inconsiderate stretching*.

Inconsiderate-[in-kuhn-sid-er-it]; adj.:
careless of the rights or feelings of others

Stretching-[stre-tch-ing];verb:
to draw out or extend (oneself, a body, limbs, wings, etc.) to the full length or extent

Together these two words make up some of the worst gym behavior known to man save pushing people off treadmills and dressing like Richard Simmons.

Below I’ve created a list of the most common examples of inconsiderate stretching. Read it. Memorize it. Yell at others who disregard it.

1] Blocking equipment.
It is completely unnecessary to stretch in front of equipment you are not using. It’s a real asshole move. Not only are you keeping others from being able to excercise, but you force people to watch you stretch as they wait to see when the equipment will open up. For everyone else it’s like wanting to eat ice cream but not being able to because a fat guy is stretching his hammies in front of the refrigerator.

2] Facing away from the crowd.
There’s nothing worse than being subjected to views of a 52 year old man’s backside in short shorts doing toe touches. (Except for maybe kidney stones, those things sound terrible.)

It can really throw off one’s concentration which is a very dangerous thing in a gym setting. For instance, in my gym, there’s barely enough concentration and mental fortitude as it is. Causing distractions just leads to dropped dumbells and protein shake spillage.

So when stretching, always keep your back to the wall and face the crowd. This keeps your ass from becoming a danger to society while you’re attempting to touch your toes.

3] SWU – Stretching while underclothed.
Refer back to the definition of stretching:

“to draw out or extend (oneself, a body, limbs, wings, etc.) to the full length or extent”

If you plan to extend your body and limbs to their fullest extent, please make sure your clothes are up to the challenge. I don’t think further explanation is necessary.

HA Guy

*For women between the ages of 18 and still really hot, there does not exist such a thing as inconsiderate stretching. Please disregard this post.