Inconsiderate-[in-kuhn-sid-er-it]; adj.:
careless of the rights or feelings of others

Stretching-[stre-tch-ing];verb:
to draw out or extend (oneself, a body, limbs, wings, etc.) to the full length or extent

Together these two words make up some of the worst gym behavior known to man save pushing people off treadmills and dressing like Richard Simmons.

Below I’ve created a list of the most common examples of inconsiderate stretching. Read it. Memorize it. Yell at others who disregard it.

1] Blocking equipment.
It is completely unnecessary to stretch in front of equipment you are not using. It’s a real asshole move. Not only are you keeping others from being able to excercise, but you force people to watch you stretch as they wait to see when the equipment will open up. For everyone else it’s like wanting to eat ice cream but not being able to because a fat guy is stretching his hammies in front of the refrigerator.

2] Facing away from the crowd.
There’s nothing worse than being subjected to views of a 52 year old man’s backside in short shorts doing toe touches. (Except for maybe kidney stones, those things sound terrible.)

It can really throw off one’s concentration which is a very dangerous thing in a gym setting. For instance, in my gym, there’s barely enough concentration and mental fortitude as it is. Causing distractions just leads to dropped dumbells and protein shake spillage.

So when stretching, always keep your back to the wall and face the crowd. This keeps your ass from becoming a danger to society while you’re attempting to touch your toes.

3] SWU – Stretching while underclothed.
Refer back to the definition of stretching:

“to draw out or extend (oneself, a body, limbs, wings, etc.) to the full length or extent”

If you plan to extend your body and limbs to their fullest extent, please make sure your clothes are up to the challenge. I don’t think further explanation is necessary.

HA Guy

*For women between the ages of 18 and still really hot, there does not exist such a thing as inconsiderate stretching. Please disregard this post.

Related Posts:
Proper Gym Etiquette – Part 1: Old Guys and Their Affinity For Nakedness

There is currently a great deal of speculation as to the best way to fix the healthcare system and its recently out of control rise in costs. Some favor more government intervention; some favor less. Some say mandatory healthcare plans for all; some say I’ll buy it only if I want to, leave me alone you socialist idiot. All fair ideas, but none are close to being the right answer for America. What is you ask?

The right answer for America is to pass legislation forcing the pharmaceutical companies to begin making meat flavored medication. It’s so simple it’s brilliant. With over the counter and prescription pills being flavored with your choice of meat, people would go to the doctor less, never skip a dose of their prescribed medication and live happier, healthier, lower stressed lives.

Not convinced? Let’s look at the facts*.

1. Analysts attribute a large portion of the increased costs of healthcare to the public’s overuse of the system – stemming from the perception that healthcare is “free” since their employer’s cover the majority of the costs – which they say places an unhealthy strain on the system. But in a world where Tylenol tastes like bacon, you’d better believe everyone will down bottles of the over the counter meds before heading to the doctor. Problem solved.

2. In a recent survey, 83% of doctors believe that healthcare costs would go down significantly if people were taught to develop healthy lifestyle habits as children. And since video games, TV and the internet have taken over the world, effectively eliminating society’s respect for diet and exercise, taking pills are how future children will stay healthy. But as it stands, children hate taking medicine. You have to force it down them or wrap it in bologna like you would with a dog.

Now we can eliminate the middle man as the pill itself will taste like bologna. Boom. Kids love medicine. Boom. Kids are healthy. Just pet them and send them on their way.

3. Another main cause of skyrocketing healthcare costs stems from the insurance companies charging ridiculous fees in order to counteract the numerous lawsuits filed by patients against their doctors for malpractice. Meat flavored pills will solve this problem faster than A-Rod can forget who he’s dating. No one will sue their doctor when he’s prescribing barbecue heart medication because barbecue heart medication is awesome – except maybe for vegetarians, they might be a bit upset. But they should have their own doctors anyway, kind of like cats do. Kidding.

(Sort of)

The evidence is alarmingly convincing. I hope to really get a strong backing from the population on this one, and if I do, you’d better believe it will be a hot topic issue come 2012 – as long as the world doesn’t end of course. Either way, look out for the t-shirts.

HA Guy

*For the purposes of this article, the term “facts” will be loosely defined as: extreme generalizations, hypotheses and blatant blind guesses that are probably true, though no credible source of evidence exists to corroborate them….sort of like the facts on Fox News, except for the probably true part.

At the time I wasn’t too concerned about the whole thing as A) I was a kid, so f that noise, and B) if G.I. Joe didn’t take pills, I sure as hell wasn’t going to once I was old enough to make my own decisions, so who cares if I gag every time. But now, at 25, I still have to roll an advil around in the back of my throat for several minutes before I can swallow it without gagging. Not a big deal at home, where I can clear my schedule, light a few candles and throw on some Kenny G. to relax (anyone picturing the masturbating scene from 40 Year Old Virgin? It’s just like that – except it doesn’t end happily with episodes of Everybody Loves Raymond). But if I ever come down with a headache at the office, I look ridiculous staring at the ceiling swishing water around in my mouth for half an hour. And they tell me the older I get, the more pills I’ll need to take. What the hell am I going to do when I’m 65?

The answer, my friends, is this: lobby for legislation forcing pharmaceutical companies to begin developing pills that taste like meat. Brilliant, I know.

Imagine a world where over the counter medicine as well as prescription drugs tasted like meat. It doesn’t matter what kind of meat; beef, chicken, pork whatever. I’d down those pills like it was my job. I would skip on down to the doctor’s office at the first sign of a cold and pick up a few pork flavored penicilin poppers. And I would never have a headache again considering the amount of steak flavored advil that would remain in my system on a regular basis. It’s so perfect I can’t believe it hasn’t become a reality.

So start looking for the Meat Flavored Pill Resolution on your local ballots, and by all means vote yes.

HA Guy