To the couple currently having issues,

Places NOT to loudly discuss infidelity, commitment, or sexual frustration issues:

local coffee house and other quiet places where people go to read

The reasons are numerous, but mainly hearing about Tina, the office slut is a bit distracting when reading Tolstoy – or Men’s Health magazine.  Plus I bet the other patrons could [...]

Hollywood,

Be on the lookout.  Earlier this year a fat man dressed in a Russell Crowe costume ate Rusell Crowe, taking over his role in the recent box office hit State of Play.  No one is sure who his next target is, but it could be anyone.  Consider yourself warned.

The HA_Guy

John Madden,

Retired?!! Who the hell is going to explain the intricacies of NFL football during the games? Thanks to you, we never forget that a touchdown equals 6 points, or that the defense’s main objective is to tackle the guy with the ball.

Without you, they might as well broadcast the games in Mandarin [...]

Struggling Fashion Designers,

Skip all the hard work that comes with fashion school and trying to make a name for yourself. All you need to do in order to become a famous designer is to irresponsibly use in vitro fertilization and give birth to a hundred babies.  Then you can trademark your name like OctoMom and [...]

Flordia International University,

You hired Isaiah Thomas as your new basketball coach?  Have you not read a newspaper or watched a Knicks game sometime in the last few years?

I mean WTF? Even he can’t believe it.

Our only advice is to watch out for your secretaries and ball girls, and we pray that your attendance numbers are not [...]